If I Lay Here
by sanalayla
Summary: A oneshot inspired by the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Lois and Clark have a conversation.... Clois postLollie, season 6 spoilers.


**A/N: So I'm driving along just minding my own business & this song comes on the radio. Now I don't love this song. In fact, I've never even really _thought_ about this song before. Yet, as I listen to it, this Clois story just unfolds in time to this song. It suddenly becomes a Clois song & I feel like I have to write this one-shot.**

The timeline of the fic could be anytime post-Lollie, I suppose. I would think it would be more natural to see this closer to the end of season 6, though.

Usual disclaimers apply.

Hope you enjoy & let me know what you think (the good, the bad, and the ugly). 

_We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own_

Lois stared out at the night sky, musing about the events of the past year. She had never thought that so many things could change in such a short time. She'd found a great guy, had a great relationship with him and ended it in less than a year. She'd been offered a great job by Mrs. Kent and then had proceeded to completely change the direction of her career path when she'd discovered her love for journalism. She'd also finally accepted the inevitable and started applying to various colleges. Her life wasn't taking the direction she'd always assumed it would, but it was definitely starting to shape up.

At the thought, Lois glanced down at the envelope in her hand. With shaking hands, she slid one finger through the seal and tore it open. She knew, even before reading the letter, what the words would say. But she read them, anyway. Just to know that she wasn't making any assumptions. _Dear Ms. Lane, We are pleased to accept your…._

The letter dropped from her hands as the words sunk in. She'd been accepted. Lois didn't know if she should grin or cry. She settled for a watery smile and shook her head wryly at how crazy it was. True, it wasn't exactly Harvard, but NYU was still infinitely better than the alternative – staying in Kansas. So what if Met. U.'s journalism program was better? At least she'd be out from under the General's thumb if she moved to New York. He had way too many connections at Met. U. to let her have the level of freedom she'd become accustomed to. She winced as she recalled the last argument she'd had with her stubborn father. He'd, of course, refused to pay for any college that he didn't choose. She, of course, told him he could stuff it and that's what student loans were for. She didn't need his money – or his approval.

_We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone_

"Lois? What're you doing here?" Clark's puzzled voice broke into her thoughts.

Lois blinked and turned to focus on him. "I came by to see your mom. But, she's not home yet."

"So you decided to wait in the loft?" Clark asked, his lips curving into a smile. He threw his bag on the futon and said in a teasing voice, "Careful – people might actually start figuring out that you like it here."

"Yeah, right." Lois rolled her eyes and smirked. "That'll be the day."

Clark stopped right in front and looked down at her with answering smirk of his own. He shook his head slightly – the typical exasperated one – and pointed out, "I don't know – for someone who constantly complains about this place, you seem to spend a lot of time here." 

She was just formulating her response, when his eyes drifted to the floor and he noticed the papers littering the ground. Before she could stop him, he'd kneeled down and picked them up.

"Looks like you dropped this," Clark said, handing it to her.

Lois tried to snatch it out of his hand before he could read it, but it was too late. She could tell that he'd read the first lines of the letter and seen the university's seal. His eyes widened in shock and he shot her a look of disbelief.

"Is that what I think it is?" Clark asked, not bothering to hide the hurt tone in his voice.

Lois winced a bit, but stated flatly, "If you think it's an acceptance letter for the Fall at NYU, then, yeah, that's exactly what it is."

"When did you apply?" Clark cleared this throat and looked away. "I didn't even know you were thinking of going back to school." The words hung in the air, but he didn't finish the thought… _because you didn't tell me._

"Well…I didn't tell anyone," Lois answered the unspoken accusation. "Chloe doesn't know, either. Or your mom." 

Clark stared at her for a second and let out a burst of sarcastic laughter. "Were you just going to tell us the day before you left? Pack up your things and say, 'see you around, Smallville, I'm off to New York….'?"

"No!" Lois exclaimed, feeling a bit hurt herself that he would think she would do something like that. "You know how I feel about your family, Clark. I would never do that. I just…." Lois let out a frustrated breath and then gritted her teeth as she admitted, "I just didn't want to tell anyone in case I got rejected." Lois shrugged and glanced back at him, noting that he didn't look so annoyed anymore. "I didn't want people to know in case I failed. What was the point?"

"The point?" Clark gave her an odd look. "The point would have been that we would have supported you. We would have helped you and been there for you."

It was Lois's turn to burst into sarcastic laughter. "Yeah, because you and Chloe have just been the best cheerleaders in the world this year."

Clark looked taken aback. "I don't know what you mean."

Lois rolled her eyes. "You don't know what I mean? Okay… well… how about the fact that you both clearly think that I'm off my rocker for wanting to be a journalist? How about what happened with Oliver?"

"I don't think you're off your rocker for wanting to be a journalist," Clark protested. "I was just giving you a hard time because that's what we do. You have to admit – you'd have done the same to me."

To be fair, he was right. She'd have had a field day if the roles had been reversed. Lois nodded reluctantly, "okay… I guess you're right."

"You _know_ I'm right," Clark stated firmly. Then he gave her an uncertain look. "You don't blame me for Oliver, do you? Because I thought we…." 

"No," Lois interrupted. "I know… you were right to keep it from me. It wasn't your secret to tell – I get that." Lois folded her arms across her chest and turned back to look out the window. "But I can't help feeling like a fool. For not seeing it. For not noticing… here I am, always so into the little details – and this huge thing was staring me in the face the whole time and I couldn't even see it."

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Lois stood ramrod straight, her shoulders stiff as she started out the window. Clark knew her well enough to know that admitting all of this to him was probably killing her. In fact, he was surprised that she was actually talking about it. Not because she could never open up to him –she'd done it numerous times in the past – but because she had flat out refused to discuss the subject of Oliver with him. 

Unsure of what to say or what she wanted to hear, Clark hesitated. Then he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her back around to face him. "You're not a fool, Lois. Oliver tricked a lot of people. And he didn't do it to hurt you. He had no choice – not if he wanted to keep you safe."

Lois nodded, hearing the familiar argument in his words. A conversation she'd had with Oliver many times. Clark didn't understand – just like Oliver hadn't understood. She could have forgiven the deception. What she couldn't forgive was who the Green Arrow was. For every good deed Oliver did as the Green Arrow, he committed a bad deed simultaneously. Maybe she was naive for seeing the world in black and white – but that didn't change the fact that there were shades of gray in Oliver's life that she couldn't live with. And he couldn't live with her if she didn't accept it.

"You know what, Smallville?" Lois finally said, not wanting to get into it all with him. "I'm just going to talk to your mom tomorrow. I think I need to clear my head a bit before I talk to her, anyway." 

She pushed past him, walking towards the loft stairs. Clark watched her go, the same way he'd watched her take that path dozens of times before. He waited for her to look back at him once she reached the top the stairs – the way she always did. But this time she didn't. Lois continued walking without a backward glance in his direction. As Clark saw her descend the stairs, an odd feeling crept over him. He couldn't help but think that if he let her go tonight, she would leave forever.

Before he could stop himself, he ran down the stairs and called out, "Lois, wait!"

Lois had been at the open barn door and she turned back at the sound of his voice. Her brow rose quizzically. "Yeah?"

_I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel _

Glancing around the room for some reason to detain her, Clark eyes landed on the ladder in the corner. "Um… I want to show you something. I've been meaning to show it to you."

"Okay…" Lois answered doubtfully. "In the barn? Is it something I'm gonna want to see?"

"Yeah, you're going to like it." Clark maneuvered around a couple bales of hay and picked up the ladder effortlessly. Of course, he hid that it was effortless and pretended that he needed both hands. He paused and grabbed a red blanket handing from the hooks near the entrance. "C'mon, follow me outside."

Even though she was still incredibly suspicious, Lois let her curiosity get the better of her and she followed him as he made way his way to the back of the barn. She watched as he leaned the ladder against the wall of the wooden building.

Clark turned to look at her with a slight grin. "Ladies first." He motioned to the ladder, indicating she should climb up.

Lois eyed the ladder and then Clark. Then the ladder again. "You're kidding, right? You want me to climb to the roof of your barn? Do I look like I've got a death wish?"

"You're not scared, Lois, are you?" Clark asked, with mock incredulity in his voice. "I mean, if you're telling me you're too scared…."

"No," Lois shot back crossly. She moved forward and thrust the papers into his hands. As she started climbing up, she tossed back over her shoulder, "But if I fall and break my neck, I'm blaming you. And you're going to be my personal slave during my recovery process."

"Fair enough," Clark agreed, as he followed her up the ladder. "But it's a pretty flat roof up there – so you'd have to try incredibly hard to break your neck."

Lois reached the top of the ladder and saw that he was right. The roof of the barn had a small portion that wasn't slanted towards the back of the barn. It was like a large balcony. When Clark had joined her, she turned to him with raised brows and a smirk. "So, what's the deal? The loft wasn't big enough for your brooding? You had to take it to a whole new level in the great outdoors?"

Clark grinned down at her. "No, I just get a better view of the stars up here." He didn't bother to tell her the real reason – he had been coming up here for the past month trying to practice flying. 

He took the blanket off of his shoulder and busied himself laying it on the flat surface. When he'd finished, he sat down and indicated to her that she should join him.

Lois hesitated and then flashed a slight smile. "A beautiful clear spring evening – a guy and girl on a blanket all alone. If I didn't know any better, Smallville, I'd think you were trying to seduce me." The teasing tone in her voice was offset by the uncertainty in her hazel eyes. 

"No," Clark replied in a casual voice. "I'm trying to give you an astronomy lesson. You're never going to get to see the stars like this in New York."

Tilting her head to the side, Lois pursed her lips and considered his words. She decided she was being paranoid. She settled down on the blanket beside him and waved one hand airily. "Okay, Professor, lecture away."

They both leaned back and Clark started pointing out the various stars and constellations to her. The excitement and enthusiasm were contagious and she soon found herself getting lost in the wonders of the night before them.

There was lapse in the conversation for a second and they both fell into a companionable silence, lost in their own thoughts.

_Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough  
If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Clark glanced at the young woman next to him and considered his options. He could tell her how he felt – tell her about the changing feelings he had towards her. But she'd laugh. This was Lois – subtlety was not her strong suit. Would he be able to handle it? Rejection from her?

Right at that moment, Lois turned to him and caught his eye. She smiled softly. "Is that it? Astronomy lesson over?" 

"Don't go, Lois," Clark blurted out in response. He instantly regretted his words, but he couldn't take them back. So, he just plunged forward, heedless of the consequences at this point. "Stay here, go to Met. U. – don't move to New York."

Lois's eyes widened in shock. "What?"

"Look, all your friends are here. Your family's here," Clark explained, trying desperately to convince her without telling her the real reason he wanted her to stay. "You can't just leave my mom – she needs you. And Chloe? You're the only family she has."

"She's got her father," Lois pointed out faintly.

"Yeah, but she never sees him. He doesn't count," Clark replied, shrugging a bit. "You know they're not close."

Her eyes narrowed slightly and she gave him a skeptical look. "Okay, he doesn't count. Um… you do realize that Chloe and I barely spend any time together, right? We mostly talk to each other on the phone and e-mail. I can do that just as easily from New York. And your mom? I'm sure she'll be fine, Smallville."

"How do you know that? She sees you like the daughter she never had," Clark reminded her.

The argument had an affect on Lois and she shifted uncomfortably on the blanket. "I know, Clark. And I love your mom. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't go away for college." Lois glanced at him sharply and asked, "What's going on? I would think that you'd be happy to get rid of me."

_Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life  
Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads_

"Right," Clark nodded and stated sardonically, "Because we pretend not to be friends. That's why I want to get rid of you. Of course you'd think that. What about the fact that we _are_ friends? At least that's what I thought."

Taken aback by his tone, Lois blinked and agreed. "Of course we're friends, Smallville. But, you have to admit, we're not exactly the kind of friends who can't live without each other. I'm sure you'll be fine no matter where I am."

"Yeah, I'm sure I will be fine," Clark replied tersely. He glanced away, not wanting to meet her probing gaze. "That's not the point. I just don't get it – one day you're here and you don't complain – you seem happy. And now all of a sudden you need to move to New York?" When he turned back to look at her, he allowed his confusion to show. "Is it because of what happened with Oliver? Are you running away?"

"No, I am not running away!" Lois shot back immediately in an annoyed tone. "I don't do that. This decision has nothing to do with Oliver. I'm just trying to live my life for myself for once, Clark. Everything I've ever done has been for other people – my mother, my sister, my father. Even when I came to Smallville, I did it for Chloe. And then I stayed for your mom after your dad died." Lois voice softened and she unconsciously started picking at a worn spot on the blanket as she explained, "This is the first time that someone doesn't need me. I don't have to stay here for anyone, Clark. I can just do what I need to do. I have no reason to stay."

_I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own _

Clark stared at her as her words sunk in. After that, how could he tell her that _he_ needed her? He needed her to stop him from brooding. He needed her to cheer him up when the weight of the world seemed to crush him. He needed her to give him perspective when his life seemed too hard. He needed her to grin at him and punch him in the arm when he made a sarcastic comment. He needed her to tell him that his words were 'totally retarded' when he became too melodramatic about things.

But he couldn't tell her. Because Lois was right, he realized. She deserved to go live her life and reach her goals on her own terms. Be selfish for once. And it would be selfish of him to stop her.

_All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

So, in the end, he stared straight into her eyes and lied. "You're right. You have no reason to stay. You should do what's best for you."

Lois hesitated, trying not to cave under the feeling of guilt that was overtaking her. She had no reason to feel guilty. She was right – Mrs. Kent and Chloe didn't need her. They'd be fine while she was in New York and they'd be happy for her.

And Clark? He was a great friend – one of her best friends, really – but he wasn't reason enough to stay in Kansas. Lois leaned back a bit and considered him thoughtfully. Was he?

_I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all _

Lois let out a sheepish laugh and shook her head. What was she thinking? The clean Kansas air was getting to her – after all, she had always been a city girl. It was time she got back to her roots.

"What's so funny?" Clark asked.

"Nothing," Lois replied quickly. There was no way she was going to tell Clark about the thought that had just strayed into her mind.

Clark looked like he was going to press the issue, but then decided against it. Instead, he asked softly, "So, you will come visit, right?" 

"Smallville," Lois answered honestly, "no matter what happens, you won't get rid of me that easily. After all – who's gonna give you a reality check when you're all in brood-mode? Who's gonna make sure you don't spend all your time stuck in the loft? God knows I can't expect Chloe to do it." Lois nodded decisively and finished with a light punch to his arm. "I can easily kick your butt long distance, you know. I'm gifted that way."

Clark smiled. "Good to know."

Lois smiled back and nudged his shoulder a bit with her own. "You know you're going to miss me." 

Surprisingly, Clark didn't argue. He gazed at her seriously and agreed softly. "I know."

Lois stared at him for a moment and then cleared her throat. She focused her attention back to the night sky. "So, what's the deal, Smallville? You gonna finish your astronomy lesson or what?"

Clark was silent for a second and then he grinned. "Yeah… here, I'll show you the differences between the Little Dipper and the Big Dipper."

"Okay, that's funny, because I would have thought the differences were pretty self-explanatory," Lois interrupted with a teasing grin. "You know, with the use of the words _little_ and _big_." 

Clark scowled. "I take it back – I'm not going to miss you at all."

Lois laughed and lay back on the blanket, resting on her elbows. Not even realizing it, she moved closer to Clark. He noticed and bit back a smile. He stretched out next to her, folding his hands behind his head.

Clark didn't know what the future held for them – maybe Lois would come back. Maybe she wouldn't. Maybe, one day, he'd have the courage to tell her how he felt. But for now, he was content to just lie down with her on the roof of the barn. To live in the moment and forget about tomorrow and the day after that. He'd worry about it another day….

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_


End file.
